Blast from my Past

In order to move forward in my walk with God, I had to let go of some people. Most people were very easy to let go. Most of the time when I slowly stopped associating myself with these people they got the picture and left me alone. But some people stick around and lets face it some people are hard to shake. No matter how many flaws they have you also find a couple of good things you like and they always outweigh the bad things.
My college "boyfriend" and I never had a steady relationship we were always on and off. It was like a pattern but I never noticed I was wrapped up in his "games" until we decided to take a break up...HA! But, everytime I would go without speaking to him for a while and If I saw him on campus I would just walk past him as if he never existed in my life. I wouldn't call him at all. But if I decided to be nice one day and speak he took that as an open door I could almost time when he would text me or email me with this long drawn out apology...saying how he didn't treat me right and how he wanted to make it right with me and if I give him another chance he is going to do better and blah blah blah blah blah. Horrible huh? But that's not the bad part the bad part is that I went for that every time...*deep sigh* SMH...
We officially broke up in February. I hadn't talked to him since. Then I saw him at an event on Monday and he offers to take me out to "squash the beef between us" .In other words he wanted another chance. I didn't say yes and I didn't say no...I told him I would think about it. The reason I didn't say yes was because I remember how bad he treated me before we broke up but the reason i didn't say no was because I remember the sweet guy I met my freshman year and in a way I think he is still there. So the next day I get an email saying the same yada yada I heard before..."I still have feelings for you...I want to make it up to you ...I want to make things better between us and blah blah blah blah blah. So now I had to make a decision. And here I go letting two little good things I liked about him outweigh the things that broke my heart 8 months ago. My thoughts were "Now i know I don't want to be with him but whats wrong with dinner with and old friend?"
I sat here and I thought why does he have to be the one who sticks around even after I try to let them go and then I thought..This is just like my iTunes when I delete a song and it prompts me telling me that this song is going to the recycle bin. The thing with the recycle bin is that this song can be restored back to your computer if you go into the recycle bin and select it. Have you ever looked in your recycle bin on your computer? Things you thought you deleted are probably there waiting to be restored, hoping to be restored. I have only been to my recycle bin to restore things but guess what else I noticed.....that these things in the recycle bin can also be deleted and never be seen again on my computer.

That's what I feel like I'm experiencing right now. By me acknowledging his presence at that event or replying to his emails and text messages I gave him the impression that he might be restored. I could have just made an attempt to "delete" him by just telling him no. But for some reason I didn't tell him no. I still don't understand why. But, I know that me allowing him back into my life is dangerous for me and my walk with God. I think of it like this: Just like God is working in my life so is the enemy and it is my choice who I will allow to have control over this situation. I know that if I allow the enemy to have control over situation then I will lose. Because his job to steal, kill, and destroy. But God wants the total opposite and he even wants more for me so he sent his son(John 10:10-11).
I'm not saying that the guy is the devil but somebody once told me that me attraction could be my distraction. Which means he could definitely become a distraction to me and my walk with God. I refuse to allow that to happen.
This song inspired my blog today Please watch and listen. Thanks for reading! God loves you and so do I!